These can be depressing times; there’s way too much negativity going on. So maybe I should write something a little on the lighter side to give you a smile or two.
What better way to make you smile than telling a handful of Tinder nightmare stories from a Toronto escort’s point of view? (Before I go further, a friend suggested that there are still people out there who don’t know what Tinder is — so I’ll merely say here that it’s an interactive dating app that can work on your mobile phone or your desktop computer.)
OK, that’s out of the way.
And now, so is this: The way I am in the escort world is pretty much how I am in my day-to-day life; I’ve always been pretty open with dates in my personal life about my career. I think it’s incredibly important that they know about my work, and I’m a terrible liar and it would kill me not to be honest. And finally, there’s no way in hell I could have a personal relationship with anyone who did not support sex work and respect my career choice.
So, given all that, I’ll point something out that I think was super interesting when going on dates in my personal life: That the men I dated who had previously taken part in sex services were actually far more judgmental about my work than those who hadn’t.
And for those who didn’t have any experience, their reactions ranged all over the place. I’ve experienced everything from pure fascination and curiosity and absolutely amazement that they could have sex with me for free, to those who freaked out about it afterwards.
I’ve also been treated as though I was my date’s own personal fuck toy with whom they could play out all their kinky fantasies without actually considering my own feelings and boundaries. (God knows, I am sure they all probably told their friends later about going on a date with an escort — after getting checked for STI ’s)
Phone messages I’d like to forget
One date, a pretty successful business guy, refused to believe that my clients were actually really nice people — and would follow up by expressing his worries about STI’s. Can you get anymore cliché?
Let’s just say we went on a few dates and I was treading incredibly lightly not to get in a fight with him… but after a few drinks, my firecracker personality got a bit inflamed with trying to defend both myself and my business. He then went on to ask to meet out again, despite the fact that he didn’t respect what I do and always wanted to argue with me about it.
I decided it was probably for the best if we didn’t see each other again, which lead to him being incredibly shocked that I beat him to the punch considering how successful he was and how low he thought I was. His loss.
One guy — let’s call him “John”— was so intrigued by my career that he thought it completely appropriate to jerk off after I was with a client. He thought the only way for him to accept what I do was to think of it as some sort of cuckold scenario. I think this would have been more appropriate if we’d had actually met each other in person more than once and had actually had some kind of intimate relationship.
Most of our conversations were predominantly via text.
John: Hey did you have a client today?
Me: Yes, he just left.
John: How was it?
Me: Great. He was a nice guy.
John: So what did you do?
Me: The usual.
John: No seriously… what did you do?
Me: We chatted for a bit and yadayadayada.
John: Oh ya? Was it good?
Me: He was great. Definitely would see him again.
John: So tell me for real… in detail..
Me: Listen, I don’t care to discuss in detail. It’s private what we do and not really any of your business.
John: But I think its hot and brings out those desires I have about my ex gkrlfriend cheating on me. It gets me off.
Me: I don’t care to discuss what I do with my clients. Seriously.
John: But how else am I supposed to accept what you do?
Me: …annnnnd this is over.
Tinder: One last really hot date
My final Tinder date I went on was definitely one for the books, because it showed me that you never know how people will really accept or understand you if you work in this industry.
I had really lost hope after all of my bad experiences with Tinder. It seemed like people just saw me as a lay and didn’t want to be involved at all, I suppose because of all the stigma attached to this industry. I really felt like I was giving up, but I gave it one more shot.
I learned how to play my cards right and be sure that I waited to meet this person in real life before disclosing my occupation. I had learned from my previous experiences that being too upfront about what I did for a living led to too much uncertainty about my character.
The stereotype of the Toronto escort business is far too strong to convince someone to date me in text message, so we both agreed to meet quickly. I made sure to explain my work to him, face to face, within the first 10 minutes of our first meeting. His response: “Oh, so you’re like a social worker?”
This was definitely a first and by far the most refreshing response I had ever received. This date was going much better than expected. We proceeded to continue our date for some drinks after dinner.
The conversation was great and I was definitely feeling in the mood. We had long make out sessions in the street, in the cab and in the elevator of my condo. This date was going incredibly well…
Back at my place and he takes a trip to the washroom, and I start cleaning up the piles of laundry all over my floor to look at least a little more presentable. I throw on my best lingerie. I quickly retouch my makeup and hair, and make sure that I am ready for ACTION.
He walks out of the washroom and I surprise him with my lingerie and a passionate kiss. We kiss long and hard for what seemed to feel like forever. His firm arms squeeze me tighter and I feel the warmth of his body and lips against mine. In my mind, I was saying- GAME ON!
Suddenly there’s a halt. I realize he’s just hugging me tightly. The heated moment stops. He looks at me deeply into my eyes, and I can’t help but say: “Are we gonna fuck?”
He giggled and told me: “It’s too soon.” I stood there in disbelief thinking that he was just pulling my leg. A few awkward moments later, I actually realized he was dead serious. He quickly left my place and I was left with a seriously bad case of the female equivalent of blue balls.
Tinder: Fun while it lasted
Tinder was fun while it lasted. I had to call it quits over a year ago, but the legacy of past Tinder romances (or rejections) live on. I still get funny — probably drunken — texts from past Tinder dates. They’ll either ask for late night trysts or sexy photos; I tell them to go to my website and see my rates.
I hope this has brightened your day a little, or even been a little educational. And if you were a Tinder date of mine from the past who’s lurking me now…
Sorry… not sorry!